It's really hard to look at this kind photo of yourself as a woman and not have ten million body issue phobias scream through your head, and I hate that. I hate that that is what I notice in photos more than I notice anything else, or "I should not have sat that way" because it isn't a flattering or stretching pose and how stupid is that mentality? I shouldn't have sat that way. It really slays me as an intelligent, fairly easy going woman. I take responsibility for 99% of who I am as a person - but I could watch the world burn for what the media has done to me as far as self-image goes. That being five pounds over double digits right now in weight has me feeling as if there is an entire section of my wardrobe I cant wear and i know it's stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid but years of brainwashing does that, even to people who know better. It's a sensitive topic and I try to keep my blogspot pretty light but when I take a photo like this and I feel real dread looking at it and feel the need to explain myself - this post started out explaining why I look so bottom heavy here, the skintight skirt without stretch, the socks being too tight, the angle, the scrunch, boots that add no length to my legs, and I stopped and felt really ashamed of myself. I even thought about trashing the photos and not uploading them and I thought, really, do I hate myself so much? It's truly cruel what the world turns us into, and what the world has us thinking and dwelling on. I don't have the time to finish the vampire cronicles but I have the time to sit here and try to figure out a way to cut more from my already restrictive diet. The blithering ridiculousness of it.
Also the SI, I should note, is something I am comfortable posting because it isn't an emotionally-tied act, it's just something I do because I like pain and the subsequent scarring. I have a big, big, big love affair with scars. It hurts my feelings when people treat my SI photos as something taboo or ugly or something they have to comfort me over - I am never happier than when I have some to upload and I think they are just beautiful, from beginning to end. It also hurts my feelings that flickr restricts SI photos. Anyway, these are my first SI's with my 50MM lens and I thought they were dreamy ;)